Ah the internet – teaching children how to sneak alcohol into school dances with reckless abandon.

How to put vodka in a sealed water bottle. You can also use iced tea for Captain Morgan! Great for cruises and sporting events.

Making cocktails isn’t some mystical art practices by suave bar staff in underground bunkers in Dubai before being unleashed in swank overpriced pickup joints cocktail bars. We are proud to reveal the true secret to making great cocktails here so that you can do it at home and avoid being roofied by some overpaid clown in an ill-fitting  designer suit with a really tiny penis and mommy issues.

Forgive me for going off like this, but this is the kind of ignorant, uneducated, fear mongering shite that well… just watch the video. I have no words left.

Thanks to Towerload for this is testimony from Jane Skrovota at this week’s hearings regarding a proposed LGBT non-discrimination ordinance in Lincoln, Nebraska. Here are some of her objections to LGBT people receiving protection from employment and housing discrimination:

“P- E- N- I- S goes into the anus to rupture intestines. The more a man does this the more he’ll be a fatality or a homicider…”

“A huge percent of gay men in school grounds molest boys, partly because they don’t have AIDS yet…”

“Hillary Clinton’s roommate four years in college was a gay woman. To avoid going gay like Clinton did, college students need single rooms and single gender dorms… A college woman is seduced with illegal Rohypnol to go gay.”

“Candida fungus grows hugely on a corpse. AIDS is a candida fungus disease…”

“Roman senators went to Roman baths to be promiscuous gays, bis, and orgiers then went to the Coliseum to watch Christians get mauled and perish. Do gays become this sadistic? Yes. They cuss after coupling, don’t like the land they lay on, and 80% of those that did treason by the year 2000 are gays.”

“Gays can transform to be celibate to live to be 80 years old.”

“Read the book Nijinsky to understand that bisexuals always become insane.”

“A wedding dress is for a woman not a man.”

“Jesus was kissed by Judas, a homo, who tried to sabotage Jesus’ kind ideas. Do you choose Jesus, a celibate, or Judas, a homo? You have to choose!”

The weekend is upon us, so for those of you who aren’t quite sure, haven’t tried it yet, or just need to perfect it – here are some tips for doing Duck Face. We expect to see the results on Facebook.